Condom negotiation skills
It might not be easy to negotiate with your partner about using condoms. Here are some tips, which may be helpful:
Select an appropriate time
It is difficult to talk about using condoms when you are "in the heat of the moment". A better way is to bring up the subject in a frank and honest manner when you are relaxed together, like over lunch or while taking a walk.
Give a clear message
Tell your partner about your need and expectation, making the message clear and to the point. Let your partner know that you care about health and encourage him/her to do the same. For example, you may say, "I want to have sex with you, but I won't unless we use protection." Or "I have decided to use condoms because I don't want to risk getting sexually transmitted infections or getting pregnant."
Make condom use fun
With a bit of creativity, you and your partner can make it fun to use a condom. Try a variety of different condoms, experiment with the size, shape, texture and thickness and look for different colours and flavors until you find the ones that you both prefer. Also, putting on a condom can be made part of your foreplay: for instance, just before putting on the condom, spread some lubricant on the head of the penis and gently massage the penis to get sexually aroused. Keep in mind that your health and your life are more important than a few moments of embarrassment.
What if your partner refuses to use condoms?
Sometimes the partner uses different excuses for not using condoms. As we tend to want to please the person we care about, being firm may not always be easy. If your partner resists or pressurizes you, you need to repeat the message and use more "I" statements
Don't you trust me?
When you say this, I feel upset. Although I do trust you, I don't trust your previous partner(s). I think it's better that we use a condom.
It's like having a shower while wearing a raincoat!
When you say that putting on a condom is like having sex with a raincoat on, I feel frustrated because we both know the risks of not using a condom. I just want us to include condom use in our sexual activity. There are so many condom styles, let's choose one together!
I am already using other contraception
When you only care about contraception, I still feel worried as there are other risks to think of and I would like us to use a condom as well.
It spoils the mood
When you say the condom will spoil your mood, I feel cross because it seems like you are using that as a threat. I don't enjoy sex when I don't feel safe and I'd like us to think about all this before we do anything
I thought we loved each other
When you complain about using condoms, I feel upset because I really care about you and I was preparing for something that concerns us both. I think it's time for us to talk about our relationship.
Act on your decision
Following through on your decision is a continuous process that may not be easy, but once you have decided "No condom, No sex", you must act according to your resolution in spite of your own sexual feelings and/or pressure from your partner.